When I was a little girl, I wanted to take everyone I love with me on an island where all would be secure and happy and no one would ever get hurt by “mean people”. Today I see that it´s us who hurt ourselves, by taking things personal, by comparing and believing our self-doubts, by saying “No!” to what is showing up in our life and above all by being mean with ourselves in our heads - which by extension leads to picking on the people we interact with, especially the ones we love the most. Good news: there is another opportunity called “Instantaneous Transformation”.
Years ago, I was 22 and taking anti-depressants, a good friend gave me a book. I read it immediately and got hungry, hungry for other possibilities, hungry for life. The title was “Working on yourself doesn´t work” from Ariel and Shya Kane and me and my boyfriend, now husband, registered for the next weekend-course with the authors in Hamburg. On the way back home from the first course-day I couldn´t stop crying and even now my eyes well up when I think of it. Although my mind didn´t really get then what these people were talking about, in my heart I knew that finally this could be a way for me out of my misery into my life. After that weekend I didn´t need the drugs anymore and since then I regularly attend the courses of Ariel and Shya.
What I learn there is that I always have the choice how to deal with a situation. I can say “No!” to it, pout like a kid, mentally screaming and kicking - which by experience doesn´t feel very comfortable - OR I can say “Yes!”. I can act as if the situation is perfect, - which it is, as if I´m perfect - which I am, and everything exactly as it should be. When I say “Yes”, there is no pain because I don´t hurt myself with the circumstances and life gets easy and light.
From time to time I forget how easy it can be and fall out of my center into old habits. Then, listening to an episode of Ariel´s and Shya´s online-radio-show “Being here”, reading something from their brilliant books or articles or reaching out to a like-minded friend pulls me out of my head and my self-created drama back to here, back into this moment.
The Kanes invite us to be a scientist and get interested in the way our mind is wired, to try a non-judgemental view and when I don´t judge myself for how I am and have a sense of humor about what I discover, that is really fun.
Today, as a grown-up woman, I still have the little girl in me and the wish for people to be secure and happy. Having compassion and being kind with myself is the key. It all starts with me.